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Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 24, 2002 I suppose there are worse problems than having two men who want to share their life with me. However, it is a genuine problem. I do need advice on sorting this all out. My former husband and I wanted a baby and soon had one. The problems in our marriage stemmed from two teenage daughters from his first marriage.
Their mom jumped ship after 10 years to "find herself," leaving him to raise the girls. Suffice it to say the girls were extremely hard on me, and his family didn't accept that three years after his divorce, he moved on. We sought counseling, but it didn't resolve anything. I grew weary trying to raise two girls that hated me and dealing with his hostile family. That was four years ago.
For the next two years he was so bitter I left he wouldn't speak to me, and all communication was through third parties. Life has been difficult for me raising a son on my own. I had to sell the home I bought for the two of us and am still struggling financially. After two years, I met a man with a son the same age as mine, and the boys rapidly became like brothers. His father and I also developed a close, intimate relationship, and he is financially successful.
We've been together nearly two years and bought a home with the intention of getting married soon. My current relationship never had the spark of sexual and emotional intensity my former husband and I shared. Still, we were content until I talked to my former husband for the first time in almost two years. Therein lies the catch. My former husband says now that his youngest daughter has moved out, he is free to live life as he wants.
He gives me flowers, writes me love notes, and says he wants to devote the rest of his years to bringing up our son together. I never fell out of love with him, I just left the marriage lonely and very hurt. He says he, too, spent a long time trying to heal and is now ready to try to put it together again. We are not having sex. I know better.
But my former husband gives me the attention I crave in my current relationship and don't get. It seems odd to me that if a man really wanted to share his life with his son and his son's mother, he could tolerate them living with another man. I also find it unusual that my boyfriend, as an adult man, is willing to tolerate the advances of any man toward the woman he hopes to marry. My third option would be to tell each man, politely, that neither made a perfect mate for me. Unfortunately, I'm in no position to be without a helpmate.
I'm not holding out for a perfect relationship anymore. I realize that just doesn't exist, at least not in my world. Jenna Jenna, your dilemma is like the automobile comparisons in Consumer Reports. Each vehicle offers different features, and what matters most is personal preference. Do you most value safety, styling, or fuel economy? Your ex-husband didn't defend you against his family, and people who remarry usually rediscover the good reason they divorced in the first place.
Your boyfriend is a good person with no passion, but there is companionship for your son. In the old song "Torn Between Two Lovers," a woman can't decide between two men, which means neither feels right. There is another song from the Hebrides, which contains the line "Thou art the music of my heart." That's what it feels like when the connection is true. What you decide will be largely driven by financial need, so the question you ask is not one we can answer. What do you most value--safety, styling, or fuel economy? Wayne & Tamara.
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.When You Give A Gift, It?s The Thought That Counts, Right?
It's a no-no to tell someone you don't like their gift because it's the thought that counts, right? Sure, but just how ?nice' are your thoughts towards your gift giver who doesn't listen in order to know what your likes and dislikes are? How disappointed are you when with anticipation you unwrap your gift to stare down at an ugly pair of socks, or when your husband of four years decides his wife would absolutely love a broom for Valentines Day?Gift giving is more than just the thought. It's the thought, the gift, the intention ? the whole package. The best gifts are ones that directly think of the recipient, that's truly when the thought counts.If you know your boyfriend will just about die for the whole collection of South Park, then why buy him a tie? What value would your girlfriend find in a pretty package of art supplies when she has no interest in painting?We've devoted a whole page on our website with "Horror Gifts" Received. Take for example the man who received a box of chocolates...
When You Give A Gift, It?s The Thought That Counts, Right?
Flowers > When You Give A Gift, It?s The Thought That Counts, Right?
How I Met My Angel
Today I was in rather a whimsical mood, and so instead of my usual "how to" article, I thought I'd create a fairy tale for the child within you to enjoy. When I was just a young soul, on my first incarnation to be a human being, I wasn't sure that I wanted to go to Earth School. I felt so happy here, in Paradise. I did what I liked and I never ran out of time. I played with my friends and we made art by mixing colors out of rainbows, and made music by waving our hands in certain ways in the wind, and made animals to love out of the flowers in the fields.
Sometimes, too, we blew bubbles out of sunshine or created small fountains by collecting the dew from petals. "I don't really want to go to school, Mother God," I said. Azna smiled and shook her head. Her dark tresses fell over her beautiful face. "All souls have to go to school so that they can become gods and run universes when they grow up." "Why would I want to run a universe when I can just play with my friends," I said....
How I Met My Angel
Flowers > How I Met My Angel
Black Roses
The concept of using "flower language" has come a long way. Flowers, especially roses can be used to express any sentiment without having to use words. Flowers are an effective channel to correspond sentiments, which if expressed otherwise may be inappropriate. Use of black roses has always been minimal. This is attributed to the fact that in most cases it symbolizes death, hatred and farewell as they are mostly used at funerals.
Numerous radical and rebel groups have accepted the black rose as a symbol of insurgence and force.
In the same way this gloomy beauty is not always representative of grief and sorrow. The Irish have used the phrase "the Little Black rose" throughout their encounters with the British. Numerous radical and rebel groups have accepted the black rose as a symbol of insurgence and force. Therefore, the black rose also signifies courage and resistance.
While purchasing this variety, people must keep in mind that there are no true black...
Flowers > Black Roses
Lasik / Laser Eye Surgery: Demystifying LASIK
LASIK - A now common procedure
One of the first things that springs to mind when considering corrective eye surgery is the term, "LASIK". An acronym for "laser-assisted in-situ keratomileusis," this rather common procedure is used to correct certain vision problems through refractive surgery.
Since its debut in the 1980s, there have been conflicting stories about what LASIK entails and whether or not it's truly successful.
Flowers > Lasik / Laser Eye Surgery: Demystifying LASIK